I have heard, comrades, that a new party has been created some weeks ago, and will surely add to the rich variety of opposition parties in Egypt which aim for the noble and ennobling task of re-organizing the government of Egypt from an aristocratic dictatorship, to a democracy of aristocrats.

Here is an official press release I received from a friend who joined the new party:

Our new party was named, after long and fruitful consideration and after conscientiously weighing all the positive and negative consequences of our linguistic duty to our to-be-formed party, we decided upon naming our noble, struggling, party, which will fight for human rights and democracy in Egypt, The Party of Moderate Progress Within the Bounds of the Law (PMPWBL)*.

What we are fighting for is very simple: Moderate Progress within the bounds of the law. What does this mean? This means we will strongly fight for the moderate and cautious, but nevertheless existent, reform of a handful, i.e. several, or in other words a number of, ministries and other entities of the current Egyptian state, entities both internal and external, many of which have a small or big, often medium, role in determining the fate, or outcome, of the average Egyptian citizen’s life, or rather his condition and livelihood. But we hasten to assure, and reassure, and in general to notify, our noble and respected fellow Egyptian citizens, that we will at all times respect the law, or in other words the constitution, and of course we should hasten to add that we will never break the criminal law, or personal status law, or any of the other just laws we have currently written down and which are printed by our press, and which the lawyers who are currently attending Cairo University for instance are reading and studying, and basically all the laws, for we respect them greatly, and feel that without laws there would be chaos and anarchy and violence, and we are not anarchists, we have great respect for the law, and we will defend it.

In other words, beloved citizens, we will work within the bounds of the law. Yet, citizens, we do believe that some of the laws currently on the books, and in the books, and which are being printed, and also the ones being studied by the students of the various law faculties in our country, need to be changed, and that is to say reformed, to adapt to our modern world, or rather to be moulded to the demands, and of course requests, of the urgencies of the implementation and bequeathment of human rights and democracy, which are of course, and predictably, and without doubt not only, and not exclusively, the main tenets, i.e. principles and pillars, or our party, but rather, and to the contrary, and further over, these things are the main demands, and near sole focus and single thing that draws attention most, from among, and between, our fellow, dear, citizens. But during, or throughout, and especially in the heart of, our struggle and fight, or pushing ahead to realize the dream, and also the reality and implementation of, human rights and democracy, we will proceed and go ahead with our plans, and designs, and commitments to our electors, in a resolute yet respectful way, that is to say within the bounds of the law.

We would also, that is to say we the members of the Party of Moderate Progress within the Bounds of the Law, would like to take some time to address, and disprove, and of course confront, some to the perfidious lies, the baseless distortions, and of course the treacherous baiting of some of the other parties, and of some of the writers, and also the journalists, who are currently writing at some of our nation’s papers, from whom a certain quantity, not very many of course, but a few, have been attacking our party without rest or stop or any let up or time to recover our breath.

We would like to address this now. Some people, or rather hate-mongers and deceivers, and in general hirelings and paid attack dogs, have been criticizing our party, that is The Party of Moderate Progress within the Bounds of the Law, of doing and being numerous things, that is to say several things, which we will herein, and subsequent to the completion of this sentence, list and outline for our respected and dear citizens who have no need for these lies and who know that truth and righteousness are firmly a part of, and inherent in our party. First we would like to give our response to the perfidious lies and distortions, and faulty analyses which have lately been spread about our party, to the extent that we are legitimizing the ruling regime, that is to say we are providing them material for defence and legitimization, by running in elections, i.e. votes, and serving in elected bodies, which, these hirelings claim, are only for show and have no legitimacy or power and which are used, and manipulated by the ruling, prevailing, and current political, and economic regime, which is headed by our respected colleague Mr. Hosni Mubarak, who we are of course all familiar with. We deny this most vehemently, and categorically, and condemn the miserable rumor-mongerers who spread these type of wretched and abject lies. While we do believe that Mr. Mubarak’s policies are somewhat misguided, that is to say they demonstrate a certain impracticality and lack of experience, we are committed to moving our great country forward on the wings of the law to the moderate progress we all so strongly desire. We take the upright road of respect for the law and respect for our glorious country when we are struggling for the much praised, righteous goal of moderate progress. And our righteous path, the path of our fellow citizens and our great nation, being in the bounds of the law, we take advantage of the political voice and participation ability, and of course power, that Mr. Mubarak has kindly granted us, and we must use this kind favor to build upon, and of course slightly alter the glorious vision and reality which Mr. Hosni has graciously bestowed on our glorious motherland.

Although we are a new party, our boldness, courage, unstoppable will, righteousness, and sense of justice have resulted is us taking a very important and prestigious place in the Egyptian political sphere of involvement in the daily affairs of both state and society and the regulation and implementation and maintaining of the laws we all respect, and prize, and which we hold close to our hearts, although in fact they do need moderate revisions. This situation, or current condition of our party, the Party of Moderate Progress within the Bounds of the Law, has led to us being reviled in some of the un-sophisticated press which publishes any disgusting filth they set their eyes on, even stooping so low, to such a disgusting level, wading in sewage, as to harm the irreproachable honor and security of our country by printing lies and fabrications about our great national leader, Mr. Mubarak. And thus, we do not feel we need to respond to these ridiculous claims and fabrications and invented stories, and cheap novels which our enemies circulate about us, and we will continue our selfless, that is not say non-selfish and sacrificing of selfness type struggle which we launched only a few short weeks ago, approximately two and a quarter, and which we will continue until we have brought our glorious motherland the much dreamed of thing which is often written of by poets, i.e. writers of poems, and what I am referring to is of course Moderate Progress, and we assure the public, our beloved citizens, that we will achieve this in, that is to say within, the bounds of the law, which we will continue printing and continue training lawyers in, and without which there would be no order, there would be anarchy, and we are not anarchists, we are moderate progritists fighting under the banner of respect for the law and aiming for the complete moderate progression of society and of the state, and of the internal and external entities therein implied.

–The executive board of decision making in the committee for political affairs and strategies, The Party of Moderate Progress within the Bounds of the Law.

*I took from the Czech satirist Jaroslav Hasek the name for the party